Why I Celebrate Christmas

First: Merry Christmas!

I never make much of a thing about telling people what I believe. I have learnt that if you live what you believe then people really dont have an issue with you stating it because they already know that. Belief is more than just words, its an action too.

I am a Christian... I never make a big song and dance because I dont believe facts about me deserve songs and dances. I'm a Christian is like saying I have red hair... to me it is just something about me that is. I am not here to slam that into you in any way. Though if you want to talk about it... I will mention that no I do not dye my hair, and yes God does love you.

Regardless... I do celebrate Christmas for all the reasons a Christian should. Christs birth is so important in our history/story that when we look at it from the view of a Christian it makes very little sense to not celebrate it at some point. For me Christmas is a good reminder of the awesome things that God has done.

Yes, I know that Christmas was taken from a pagan holiday and "Christianified" and that best research places Christ's birth in the middle of April possibly, as well as the 'stable' or 'cave' as an actual house and not something outside of an inn.  It is all well and good to argue these things, it really does not get us anywhere in particular however.

I believe Christmas celebration to be about the reminders of Christs birth. That God chose to come, to live among us and to join with us in living - joys, pains, and sorrows. To then sacrifice himself in the grand tapestry of eternity, that we might actually have the opportunity to know God and be with Him.

It is a reminder. A memory tick, a moment in time we take to ponder the reality of a God who stooped to our level. Who came for our sake. Christmas is best heard in the fore-shadow of the cross though, and it never was meant to end where we so often would prefer. It wasnt just the birth of a child that this promise was illustrated in but the entire life and death that was to come.

For me as well, Christmas is about fun. Having fun can be something we dont do often enough. Taking time to reconnect with that child-like joy that Christmas lights, and crackers, candles, silly hats, jokes and the like can bring. The whole Christmas stocking on Christmas morning thing is one of these for me. Now it is just me and my hubby but this is important to me - its a moment out of the ordinary, out of the stress of health, money and anxiety of living normally that brings us to open a cracker, or open a stocking and chuckle over silly gifts. Its not all about getting something either, its that silly joy i get knowing my hubby has no idea what I have bought him for Christmas, and the crazy joy i get knowing he will love it.  Joy, fun, love, and laughter. Nothing better. Reminders of faith, hope and what drives us. Positively awesome.

And so this is Christmas...

Or close to it. In fact we are going to have Christmas lunch with the in-laws on the weekend; so that makes it Christmas to me!

I am not going to go on a rant about how Christmas is Christian and has been taken over by secular.. no.. no I actually dont mind who celebrates Christmas. It is like inviting the entire street to your birthday bash, even if they don't know you. Basically, lets just remember the reasons for Christmas, and take it as it comes.

What makes this blog material...
I have been trying to fathom how to celebrate this year. See over the last 3 mths I have had sinus infection, ear infection, and migraines. Lets say I  was feeling pretty woefully unwell. I spent a lot of time hiding in a dark corner or sleeping. Or sleeping in a dark corner. My husband did an awesome job of saying "Poor Jaki" at appropriate moments, (that is important you know). I had hoped for energy, enthusiasm and to get a large number of things done, made or changed around. Nothing of the kind. I am still battling migraines so nothing much is being done at all. In fact I do have a tree up, but not decorated. I have lights on my computer (literally usb powered little Christmas lights!) thanks to my Aunt (who gave them to me when they were here last year) and Google Chrome now has a Christmas theme but that is pretty much the limits of the energy.

The best thing however is listening to Christmas music. To hear the stories, to know the stories, and have that  playing non-stop in the house is a blessing. So I haven't forgotten Christmas and it's real meaning, in the midst of being sick. I have not given up on the thought I will get stuff done but I am planning to take it easy. Just as well it does not snow in Australia at Christmas time, I wouldn't know what to do.

My present to myself this year is to cut myself some slack. 

I have not made it to Church for a few weeks. I am determined to get there but I can' t go with a migraine and so it has not happened. As part of the Christmas-prezzie-to-me I am not going to feel bad about not getting there. I am just going to walk around knowing that God knows where I am and what I am doing and that my Church knows we are still here and have not given up on them!
I have lost weight this year, that's a good thing and I was trying to. I pat myself on my back for that.
In being sick, the biggest issues have been keeping up with university, and i managed to get a credit on the final assignment of the unit just gone so I am quite happy with that. I am also not behind (yet) on my current unit.
Lots of good things!
If you can only do one thing for yourself... then do this: don't think on the things you can't or haven't done, remember the year in the positives and not the negatives.
Merry Christmas!

Secret wishes of a night owl

Its nearly 4 am and its cold. Seems to be that time of year where the temperature is stubbornly confusing itself. Warm during the day and cold at night.

I like this time of day. I secretly wish I was able to sleep early and wake up around now to start my day. It's an amazing, quiet, peaceful time of day just before the sun brings it's warmth to the world. You can nearly hear the neighbor's teeth chattering when they get up for work. It is rather nice. Not to mention the birds. Though, birds around here seem to think midnight is the cue for singing so if you don't mind the odd chirping of birds (or raucous laughter of Kookaburras!) then it is near perfect.

But I am a night owl.
Once or twice I have made myself sleep early to get up early. It is awesome but I never last.
I usually find myself heading to bed at this time of day instead.

Some people get up early to pray. I admire that, although I find myself doing prayer whenever I think of it, I pray before I sleep, and I pray the second I wake up. My prayer when I wake up is usually pretty selfish, more about actually getting through whatever is on for that day. My prayer before I sleep is for anyone and everyone who's name pops into my thoughts. I don't ever remember being taught *when* to pray exactly. My Grandpa prayed all the time; my Grandmother did too. I cherish memories of dinner with them and spending the night; being read a bed time story (from Grandpa - who more often invented the stories) and just knowing that there was a prayer when sleep came.

Perhaps my faith journey, and style, is more eclectic than some.
Discipline is good however. I aspire to that.

I have to confess... being a night owl is not always my first choice. I sometimes can not sleep at all. Nothing works. I try counting sheep... get side tracked into elephants, horses, and giraffes. Elephants... they cant jump so there goes that idea. Anyhow. I struggle with getting the required amount of sleep. When I am sick I sleep a lot more than I like. I actually hate spending the day in bed, it never means I get to do what I want, and I always need more time to do this or that. I sleep for 6 hrs when I am not overly unwell; and that is enough. Lately it has been closer to 10 or 11 hrs sleep which isn't any fun at all.

So how do I fix this issue then?
Simply put I don't. I need to lower stress and one of the first things I realized is that sleep is stressful. That is, I stress about how much to get, or if I get. So I started just trying to do the things I had to do and not so much concerning myself with when I go to bed.

I do try and sleep, dont get me wrong. Half the time however it feels like a complete waste of time - Fibromyalgia makes it feel like you haven't rested, your body doesn't restore like it is meant to. You wake up tired, grumpy, and generally feeling a lot like you have been hit by a truck. It is not fun at all; in fact it is a leading contributor to stress in people with FMS. So I dont stress. I have my good weeks, my bad weeks. I do my best to get things done during the day but if that fails, I just deal with it. Life goes one, I get sleep eventually.. one day it might even feel like it.

Time for this night owl to hoot off to bed anyhow. It is just getting colder and at the very least, sleep or not, bed is a very nice warm place to be.

New Design

My blog has a new design! I am terribly happy to say that I have finally gotten around to figuring out how to use Blogger to make my blog unique. So here it is! A new blog design!

Love Yourself.

"Love your neighbor as yourself."  

Matt 22:38

Jesus says it is the second of the greatest commandments.

So how we doing on this one?

Do you love yourself?

We do the love your neighbor thing relatively well, we love the people around us, give to charity and so on but the real question here for me is this: do we treat ourselves with the same care, respect and love as we give to others?

Food for thought. A short blog today.

On Being sick..

Its currently 6.20AM a tad cold, and I am *still* awake. I have been sick over the last week and it is starting to wear on me some what. I wanted to blog, not because I think being sick I need sympathy but because I am thinking about something.

With an illness, it is easy to just think you have to push through. You cant lie down and rest, you cant stop. I am often like that. I cant sit still. I find it difficult when I cant do more than one thing at a time. If you knew.. on my desk at the moment, is my sketch pad, my notebook, a stack of note cards (the kind you take notes on) and a folder I am working on painting. I just dont sit still - I have to be doing something. If my computer is loading something, I am drawing, writing or ... well something!

So with that, I also find it hard to just shut my brain off and sleep. When I am sick it is worse because my multiple doing of things is challenged; to say the least; and I find myself thinking over all the things I really need to do despite being sick. I want to catch up on NaNoWriMo for example, I want to take time to finish my file, (I am painting a file for putting note paper in, so I can write more.. on the go so take it with me to study and the like. I am also going to be trying to figure out how to make a cover for a notepad for hubby)  I also have a university assignment to write, design and code.

Stopping or slowing down certainly isn't something I planned for.
I remember in high school when I started having medical issues; I planned to be over them really fast.
I still have those issues... the reality has not changed. Fibromyalgia has not suddenly cured itself.
I remember thinking that I would be fine when I grew up. Apparently my idea did not coincide with God's idea. However, even though life has to slow down for now I am struggling when it slows down even more.

So many ideas, so much to do. So little time. So so little energy.

The strange thing is though, I pray more.
The other strange thing is, I have a really strong marriage because we both know what it is to need your partner to do and be for you when you can't. I adore my hubby for so many reasons; he treats me like a princess, and looks after me. Lately my being sick is the 6 mth cold and flu'; at least I assume it is until told otherwise.

I have always been slightly interested in a theology of suffering. Most Christians do not want to touch it with a barge pole because it is not an easy topic.
Why does God allow pain and suffering? Why don't we as Christians just magically get better?

The answer to this... I don't really think most people will like. It puts humanity in general in a bad light. Here goes: God does not allow pain and suffering, humanity bring it on themselves. That's not to say  that it is your fault you are sick; I really dont believe that; but think about the world we live in, and how long sin has been around in it, making a mess. It would be pretty amazing if we got off without some pain and suffering with all that mess around. Sn is the primary cause of pain and suffering  not your personal sins necessarily although it can be a consequences of certain things; but basically the world is not in a good way and it affects us people who try and live righteous lives in it. No matter what we do, it will always be that way until Christ returns.

Why don't Christians get magically better?
Well; some do. I know it is not the answer but it is true. However the soul takes priority over the physical body every single time. Here is what I truly do believe, that all things are to be submitted to God. The good, the bad, the ugly. Whatever you have to deal with.  When you are sick for a long term with no end in sight, you either sit and complain about it or submit and deal with it. A lot of people will complain - that's ok in some regards, we need to grieve our losses; and if anyone can handle us being angry it is God.
Yet we all need to arrive at a point sometime where we submit everything to God's will.



 I always remember that somewhere in Psalms there is the line:  a bruised reed He will not break - no matter what you are going through, how bad you think it is, He has not broken you, and you will get up again another day. He does not let go of His people.

I can promise this because I know it to be true. I have been there more than once.
When you are down, He isn't grinding you into the dust; He is trying to lift you up.

The side effect of submission in walking in God's will with everything is that your eyes are opened. You start to see the wounded, the hurting, the hidden. You realize that what people show isn't always what is going on. You get to be Christ's ambassador to the world. He knew our pain, He knew our suffering  Not just heard about, but went through. Not just went through but WENT through - if you catch my drift. The very worst things we can experience in life He has been there.

What is my own pain compared to his? My own suffering compared to what He did?

Even more than that... He did it for me.
He died for me.
He died for you.

Now you see where my mind goes when I am sick? I ponder God's plan, and I try and submit my current suffering to Him. I dont always succeed. I will never claim perfection because I am just ... so not perfect. I am just the same as you actually. I struggle with this stuff a lot. I try and fail, I fall.... and God scrapes me up off the floor and puts me back together again with hope and joy buried someplace in that.

I hope this gives you some of that hope and joy.

Normal...

I once read a book which had this line: Normal is just a setting on the dryer. I dont remember the book to give the credit to the author but that line has stuck with me a long time.

Now its taken 20 years or more to finally work out that normal does not exist.
There is no normal.

Its the whole everyone is unique thing, that we come back to. We watch tv shows, and think there might be a normal (but really its just that a mean average of writing or writers, or even actors/ actresses) where normal is a size, shape, behaviour or attitude.

Funny though how we all crave to be normal. To fit in and not stand out. To be accepted and wanted in a group. I know... I have spent a lot of time on the outside of groups when I was growing up. It feels ridiculously isolated, and you always assume people think the worst of you.

Reality is, most people are struggling with the same kind of thing.

So is there a solution to feeling isolated, lonely and.. well weird? Not really. It is different for everyone and some people have a real medical issue in depression which can throw itself up to look a lot like I've described and you know, its not a bad thing to go get some help.

But there are some things you should think about:

1. Do you do what you need to do to get out and talk to people? 

I am not overly social. I dont like crowds due to hearing issues, and I really don't necessarily excel at small talk. However I try and get to Church and that is my social environment at the moment. I'm also married to a very social bunny, he can talk to anyone he wants; about anything. I envy and admire that! (except when I just want to get going but you cant win everything.)

2. Don't look for normal in yourself, it does not exist.
 Normal isnt found in you. Basically, we spend our entire life trying to find and be normal but normal doesn't exist. We have this habit though of expecting other people to be normal. If we do... we kind of fail because knowing it does not exist well...
If you govern and carry yourself the way you expect other people to treat you, it pretty much happens to work that way. I dont do the social thing, as i said before, very well at all. I love to write however, and I love communicating through writing - on-line for the majority of that! And I know that would hardly seem.. normal. But, I know it is what I do.

3. Remember you are never alone.
It seems sometimes we forget, as Christians, that we don't do this journey of life alone. I am not perfect in that regard because I am often forgetting to go to God when I'm feeling off or out of it. I find though that if I take a moment, and consider things that God's involvement in my life and whatever the situation I am currently experiencing is clearly seen. Don't forget, in the darkest of valley's God promises to be with us. It's not a promise we won't walk there; or that it is going to be easy  but it is a promise we won't be alone.

So don't keep trying to be normal; just keep trying to be yourself. If you can, and I can thats two people embracing a different kind of *normal* - that is being ourselves.

:)

Returning

I want to return to writing. An hour a day, something good in doing that is to participate in NaNoWrimo. Which starts 1st November.

If I write... it has got to be for me. It has also got to not matter what people think of it, or say about it however I would love to get readers... so. Here is the deal... 1st November... I am going to post a new blog with just the story content for NaNoWriMo it isnt going to be perfect, since the aim is content and it possibly isnt going to be the best story I have written; but it will be fun.

I am a Christian writer, that means alot of what I write has *that* flavour. I do fantasy however so if you want to follow a Christian fantasy story I'm your girl.

Here goes nothing....

Dreamer (God's Dreamer?)

I once had this vague idea that I wanted to be able to write something that will change the world I live in.  It hits me again every time I read something that changes me or cements again that sense of hope and passion I know in Christ.

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of God's heart for me to do just that - to teach, to speak, to do something from my limited capability to impact the world around me. Not with a huge splash - but a small one. I want to speak to the heart of people who do the work - I want to show them how God wants us to live.


 I read that, and I think, I am so far from perfect, so frail, so ... well.. flawed. I am no-one special, not some famous pastor or some famous writer who is speaking from years of learning. I am just me. I've lived through a fair share of things, I know my faith, I'm a Bible college graduate, but I am still just me. My voice isn't that loud. I can't even get up on a stage and stand that long anymore let alone speak - seems to me God has a lot to do if He wants that. 

Once I wrote nearly every day, I still have the callous on my hand which I got from pretty much never putting my pen down. I didn't think I was any good; and a nervous breakdown later I stopped writing. I wish I hadn't but somehow so much was going on in my own head that I didn't want to see on paper.

Yet, God always seems to bring it back to me. Back to Him.

How can I have anything to offer? What kind of thing can I give?
I feel like the drummer boy in the Christmas carol. Just a little bit lost with only one gift.. and sometimes that isn't even right. 


So. This is it. In a nutshell. I am pledging to myself. Promising myself.
To write without judging whether or not someone else would be offended.
To not hold back on speaking in my words.
To find my voice? To write.
And hopefully find the courage buried in my heart to share it. Maybe. 

Impact

I was thinking today about something that crossed my mind probablly when I was 12 or so; that is the idea that we impact people's lives when we pass through.

I used to fear not making an impact in people's lives, that I would pass through un-notice, without making any positive input or making anything of an impact. I am keen to make an impact and I don't quite know where that comes from - I am not the arrogant type, nor the type who thinks that they are the gift to the world, but I think it comes from the fact that so many people, whether they realise it or not have made an impact on my life.

Some I would count amoung my friends, some are no longer alive, some are just people I have randomly met doing random things during my life.

Its something that bothers me... what kind of impact do we make? Is it good or is it bad?  It doesnt matter what you belive or where your beliefs lie. What you say, and how you say it and what the other person recieves is important because that is your chance to impact their life.

Online it is even more likely that what you say will impact people. This is mostly because people are unusually vulnerable or invulnerable online -  that is to say one extreme or the other. Some  prefer to hide behind a constructed character or bravado. So what impact is that? While you are happily tearing someone apart in trade chat in World of Warcraft for example, what is your impact on them? or on the others who are reading?

I want to make a good impact. I some times fail.. and that is just fine. Not everything I do is perfect (sorry if people thought I was.)  I guess the trick for me is doing my best to watch my temper and my tongue. Those are the things that let me down at times.

For those who think they have made no impact on my life... you might be suprised I have learnt so much from people along the way. Especially people like my Mum, and my Grandparents. I mean practical things as well as all the other things; I have learnt spiritual truths from friends and family.
Although Ive lost touch with many friends along the way - I still think of them fondly and consider the impact they make in my life.

So... thats that. What will your impact be?

A matter of believing: Creed

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.

Who, for us men and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

And I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

- Nicene Creed -

I was thinking of this last night. That knowing what we believe is important to making life work.
The Nicene Creed is a neat thing someone else has written which summarizes in general what i believe.

What about other things? Can i say exactly what i believe?