I once had this vague idea that I wanted to be able to write something that will change the world I live in. It hits me again every time I read something that changes me or cements again that sense of hope and passion I know in Christ.
Every now and then I catch a glimpse of God's heart for me to do just that - to teach, to speak, to do something from my limited capability to impact the world around me. Not with a huge splash - but a small one. I want to speak to the heart of people who do the work - I want to show them how God wants us to live.
I read that, and I think, I am so far from perfect, so frail, so ... well.. flawed. I am no-one special, not some famous pastor or some famous writer who is speaking from years of learning. I am just me. I've lived through a fair share of things, I know my faith, I'm a Bible college graduate, but I am still just me. My voice isn't that loud. I can't even get up on a stage and stand that long anymore let alone speak - seems to me God has a lot to do if He wants that.
Once I wrote nearly every day, I still have the callous on my hand which I got from pretty much never putting my pen down. I didn't think I was any good; and a nervous breakdown later I stopped writing. I wish I hadn't but somehow so much was going on in my own head that I didn't want to see on paper.
Yet, God always seems to bring it back to me. Back to Him.
How can I have anything to offer? What kind of thing can I give?
I feel like the drummer boy in the Christmas carol. Just a little bit lost with only one gift.. and sometimes that isn't even right.
So. This is it. In a nutshell. I am pledging to myself. Promising myself.
To write without judging whether or not someone else would be offended.
To not hold back on speaking in my words.
To find my voice? To write.
And hopefully find the courage buried in my heart to share it. Maybe.
